I completely forgot, until I got news of Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy,
that today is supposed to be the apocalypse.
I recall following the last apocalypse (not the Mayan one: that was a misinterpretation of their calendar and our own), and it was slated for 6pm Illinois Time, which may or may not be sunset in Jerusalem.
All the country’s pious radio stations abruptly quieted, as if to mimic
the sudden blackening of the Earth, like people wouldn’t feel tremors beneath their feet, or hear the screams of a million sinners, before they themselves perished.
No, the last apocalypse was treated like a flip of a switch in God’s cellar as he turned off the lights after retrieving his spare can opener.